Digging out

 The northeast has been snow hammered within the past few days.  My friend Lisa lives in Maine and she's been giving this snow starved Tennessee girl a play by play of the the snow's kiss on her area.  

Looking at her snow drift as she opened her back door, I thought of the gazillions of snowflakes that it took to make that mound.

 And isn't' that how it is with our lives?  The snowflakes start falling, and they're manageable and honestly quite beautiful, but before you realize, they have piled one upon the other until we're left with a choice to be buried by them or start digging ourselves out.  Those small snowflakes for me began as the thought "They will like me better if I please them."  And then more flakes piled and blew on top of one another and the thoughts grew to "I have to please them."  Year after year of seemingly "good" in my own mind left me with a heavy burden to dig out of…Codependency.  What's so elusive and misleading, is how the seemingly harmless can magnify itself into something that's so heavy that it suffocates you, and you have to ask yourself, "Do I just accept things the way they are, or do I start to dig out?"

I don't know, maybe you're that one who took that first drink to help you "relax" from a hard day at work, and you have found yourself in the heavy of dependence.  Or maybe you might be one who has come through quite a few surgeries that required narcotics in recovery, and you've found yourself buying off of the street.  Maybe you're the one, that as a child, wasn't given many reasons to trust, so you find yourself not trusting anyone.  Maybe you're the one the has had the family worry and fear passed down, so you live your life heavy and unable to live joy in the moment of today. 

I have struggled with many things in my life: Shame, not feeling enough, codependency, rejection, that have been so heavy at times that the thought of digging out of them seemed insurmountable.  God was so gracious to show me that the way I was living and the thoughts I had about myself were never His best for me.  In 2003, he gave me Breaking Free, later He gave me Classic Christianity that completely sealed my heart on who I am in Christ.  This past year, God gave me a shovel to help me heal even deeper when He gave me Finding Spiritual Whitespace and Codependent No More.  

Digging out is such a process.  God has shown me that nothing ever worth fighting for happens overnight.  I am thankful to know that even though life can be heavy, there is always One who will hand me the shovel and come alongside.

The Way May Not Be Clear Yet...

In the Fall and Winter, the trails at the Battlefield are cluttered with leaves that have yet to be naturally composted by the wear of feet making the trek in and out.  If I'm not careful, or get caught up in the singing of my favorite new worship song, it's easy to get confused as to where the path to the trail lies.  If I look closely, I see the leaves trampled and worn to show me the way.

Our stories are much the same way.  When I began to recover from the shame of having an abortion that I had in my 20's,  I felt like I had to be totally healed before I could begin to share my story.  I had to be able to tell it without crying, without beating myself up, and of course I had to do it all with strength and courage to show that I was well!

An amazing truth that God continues to reveal to me is that He can use my story to help others no matter if I'm just beginning my recovery, or if I'm healed and on the other side of it.  

It's like the beginning wear of the leaves on the path.  The trampled parts let you know that someone has gone before you.  In our stories, often the greatest encouragers are those who may just be a few steps ahead, so that the task of being completely healed is not so overwhelming.  

So I encourage you to be that one that looks behind you and brings others alongside you that can say "me too".  The way to complete and total healing may not be clear yet, but it's so cool to know that the trampled leaves ahead means you're not alone.