Daggers

I live in the South, and as a teacher at heart, my heart skips a beat when we have a chance of snow in the winter.  Any chance makes me want to turn my pajamas inside out and do a snow dance before bed.  Sunday night was the best chance we've had all winter for a good snow.  Heck, they even named the storm so I'm thinking "YES, it's gonna happen this time!"  With each passing hour, the forecast changed and as I peeked with anticipation Monday morning for the beauty of the flake, I woke to freezing rain and sleet. Ughhhh!  

Eager to see the beauty of the day anyway (#1000gifts), I started looking and asking God what He wanted to show me through this day.  Staring out my kitchen window, looking for my Beloved Cardinal, my eyes captured this sight as the rain and sleet hitting the roof of my shed.  Icicles forming longer as I watched the water drip to the tip and then freeze immediately.  Each time I went back to look, I noticed the icicles getting longer and seemingly sharper.

As the day wore on, the visual I saw in the icicles greatly resembled a dagger or a sword, which sent my mind thinking about the most dangerous thought patterns that I can have that would actually take the form of a sword.

Anger>>resentment>>bitterness>>unforgiveness

The drip and freeze thing that the freezing rain was doing to make the icicles reminded me of how subtle our feelings, left undealt with or hidden, can change and fester and grow until they are unmanageable.

"Bitterness is a frozen form of hidden anger and resentment. Bitterness grows out of our refusal, to let go when someone or something is taken from us. Bitterness is being constantly hurt by a memory and is holding onto a hurt until it has a hold on you."

 "When you are offended or disappointed by others and allow the hurt to germinate in your heart, bitterness and resentment will take root. Bitterness is characterized by an unforgiving spirit and generally negative, critical attitudes. Bitterness and resentment are self-defeating. Perhaps it grows from the literal loss of a loved one or of a job, or income, or relationship. Sometimes it might be more subtle and grow from the loss of a reputation, or social position in a group, or control. Whatever the cause, bitterness grows out of unreleased loss."

I have seen in my own life the damage that has been caused in my heart and well being by letting anger continue to add layers of resentment which led to bitterness which left me with a poised dagger of unforgiveness.  The crazy thing that I found more than anything is the damage it did to my own heart.

Unforgiveness is the poison I drink and wish that the other will die.  It's the prison I'm in that I wish the other would be locked in with the key thrown away.  It's the slow growing dagger like the icicle that has layer upon layer that can eventually be used as a weapon.  

Ephesians 4:31-32New Living Translation (NLT)

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

I know that left to my own nature, I don't even have it in me to forgive, but the truth I have to proclaim and live by is the fact the Spirit of God lives in me and gives me all I need to not allow anger grow into a weapon that would be used to destroy others.

John 14:26The Message (MSG)

25-27 “I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace.

Thank you, my Savior, for being the perfect example of grace and forgiveness to me...