Evergreen

I had the most amazing experience over the last couple of weeks to travel with my man to Breckenridge, Colorado.  Any time I have the opportunity to see different ways that our Creator has crafted creation quite honestly makes me giddy with joy!  As we drove our rental car from Denver on I-70 west towards Breckenridge, I quickly realized that there would be a theme in what my heart would gravitate toward the entire time we were there.  Everywhere I looked, all I could see were evergreens.  Evergreens on the mountain.  Evergreens draped with snow.  Evergreens bending in the weight of Winter.  Every day I thought about the evergreens, took pictures of them, and asked God what He wanted to teach me through them.  I look forward to sharing with you in the next few posts what God has taught me.

I come from the South where the seasons are pronounced and plentiful in variety of trees that make bold statements with each change.  We have evergreens in the South, but if I'm honest, they weren't my favorite (except for the smell), until now.  God gave me a new perspective of Himself through the evergreens that will forever change how I look at them.

Evergreens are constant, just like God.  No matter what the season, they are constant and green.  They are hardy through the seasons and don't sway in the winter.  They continue to grow even under the weight of snow and cold.  In comparison to other trees that bloom, fill with leaves, lose leaves, and then are dormant through winter, the evergreen isn't. The evergreen is just like God...EVER present, EVER constant.  God doesn't tire of being God.  He just is.  When I look at other trees, oftentimes in the winter I am unable to figure out what kind of tree it is when it's leaves and fruit are not present, but with the evergreen you always know because for the most part, it's unchanging, just like our God.

Many suffer from seasonal depression in the
winter.  So many things appear dead in the winter.  The evergreen is an exception.  As we hiked, the evergreens were a shield and comfort from the howling winds of the cold, just like our God.  If I were alone, cold and needed shelter in the winter, I would take refuge under the comfort of a evergreen, not an oak.  The evergreen is a protector, just like Jesus.  It is vibrant with LIFE, just like Jesus.

I am thankful for the diversity of our God and how He is our constancy when seasons seem lonely, dark or even lifeless.  He is LIFE and life abundant.  So thankful for the evergreen, but most of all for Jesus.

Things Aren't Always As They Seem

 My heart has been preoccupied today.  I just received word that a couple that I have admired over the last years is divorcing.  My initial reaction was "NO!  I thought their marriage was so strong, that they had a good balance of work, home, kids, and LIFE!"  I didn't want to believe it.  I never want to believe it.  It makes my heart sad to watch people's lives and families be torn apart by divorce.  I needed to talk to Jesus about it, well, pretty rant about it!  I get pretty fired up when I watch the enemy ransack people's lives.  

So, I headed to one of my favorite places to get lost in my thoughts and chat with the only One who has all the details, knows all the truth, and all the wisdom to what I'm feeling.  This tree was in my path.  I love the beauty that winter gives.  No pretense, just bare beauty waiting to be seen.  What was interesting about this sight was that one side appeared healthy and whole, but when I looked on the other side, it was hollowed out by fire. It's crazy, but I think  

 that's how our lives are perceived by others.  We gauge the "okayness" of marriages, families, and lives by "InstaImages".  We see a family on vacation, a couple celebrating a date night, laughter and fun, sports events and concerts, and assume that all is well with their lives.  The outside shell may look pretty, the snap stories hilarious, but the inside may be hollow and burnt.  We are deluded by the thinking  that we are the most connected generation ever, but I believe we're one of the most lonely, isolated, and unfulfilled generation.  We have replaced face to face connection with snap chats throughout the day or the perfect picture with the best filter that captures the best light so what is hidden won't be found out.  So a question I have to ask myself is "Do I have a group of people in my life that I connect with on
a deep level, who truly know me, who know Mike and me, who know when we struggle, who know the hollowed places, the burnt places, and care about us enough to talk to us about blind spots they see or truth of what they see that we may be immune to?  I know that the InstaImages we portray could honestly be a vice used to make us feel more isolated, because I couldn't possibly admit that my marriage is suffering after I just posted that beautiful picture of us watching that sunset!  

I want to know and be known by people who love me and are for what is the very best for me and my family.  Do you have a quiver of people, both men and women who know you as an individual and you and your spouse as a couple?  Ones who know the ugly beautiful that sometimes characterizes life?  If you don't have anyone, I encourage you to start by engaging one person, one couple to walk real life with you.  It's so important.  We need one another. We need the community of one another.  We need heart connection that go beyond kid talk and sleeping patterns.  "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)

Our marriages are so worth it.  They take a ton of work, and even more so when you've been married almost 28 years, because the temptation is that you know all about the other and you shouldn't have to work as hard.  Not true.  Just as we continue to nurture our relationship with Christ until we go to live with Him forever, we have to make nurturing our relationships here on earth the same way.  If we don't, they will become hollow, burned out and of little use to us and more easy to discard.

Your Name

"But the True Shepherd walks right up to the gate, and because the gatekeeper knows who He is, he opens the gate to let Him in.  And the sheep recognize the voice of the True Shepherd, for He calls his own by name and leads them out, for they belong to Him." (John 10:2-3 TPT)

I have read this scripture more times than I can count, but today when I read it, something different jumped off the page.  The words "…for He calls His own by name and leads them out…" resonated deep, because I'm a person of words.

As I continue to settle in to my true identity in Christ, my heart is more sensitive to the words spoken over me and within me.  Words and phrases like "worthless", "not enough", "too much", "too loud", "Nobody really listens or even cares what you say", "You're not a good mom, writer, singer", "Why can't you focus?", "You're not smart enough", "You can't read" were like a boomerang video that continued to play over and over in my mind.  If you're like me, sometimes the voices vying for the attention in your mind are much louder than the ones right in front of you.

But the phrase "…for He calls His own by name and leads them out…" sparked a beautiful new thought in me this morning.  The names that Jesus calls me are "beloved", "beautiful", "enough", "worthy", "just right", "intelligent", "redeemed", "forgiven", "wonderfully made", "steadfast", "conqueror", "warrior", "overcomer", "saint", "accepted".  

In a given day, I had to ask myself, am I really recognizing the voice of the Shepherd (Jesus)?  He is calling me by Name, all the names He has for me, but in a day, how often am I listening to another voice, the voice that seeks to kill and destroy me? How often do I settle on words, names that Jesus would NEVER speak over me?   

What words and names will you allow to lead you out into this day?  We have one True Shepherd, the only One truly worthy of following, and the only One who knows the TRUTH of who we are.  So I challenge you to listen to the names spoken over you, and make sure you are following the True Shepherd.  He will never lead you astray.  His plans for you are always good and pure.    He wants us to embrace our true identity in Him rather than some counterfeit that the enemy tries to plant deep within.  

The sheep know the Shepherd's voice and come to Him.  Do you think that sheep would come readily to a shepherd they knew would beat them?  No, they come because the Shepherd is safe and wants the very best for them.  He feeds them, cares for them, helps them when they are hurt and carries them when they can't make it any longer.  That's Jesus.

Falling Grace

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.

Amazing Love, now flowing down.

With Hands and Feet, that were nailed to the tree.

As grace flows down and covers me.”  (Christy Nockels)

I LOVE SNOW!  Yes, I am a teacher at heart, and even though I have not taught in almost 20 years, I get so excited to check the radar and watch for the chance that schools are closed.  When I was awakened, not once, but twice by the school system letting me know that my boy/man sleeping upstairs would have a snow day, my heart wasn’t annoyed, it was elated!

Something I love more about the snow are the lessons that Jesus teaches me through it.  For many years, I was addicted to shame.  I knew of grace for the sake of knowledge, but felt like there was a road block leading to grace that would penetrate my heart and transform me from the inside out.  As I began to heal from my shame addiction, I realized that I could have all the knowledge in the world about what grace is, but I had to begin to know WHO grace is.  Grace’s Name is Jesus.

As I look outside my full length window into my backyard, and watch grace fall down in the form of snow, it always makes me think of Jesus.  If I were to walk outside right now, every part of me would have snow falling on it.  The ground is completely covered.  No dirt is showing, grass is covered, driveway unrecognizable…heck, even the dog poop is concealed!  That’s WHO grace is and what grace does.  It covers, makes new, washes white, and makes who I was unrecognizable because He has made me a new creation.

Grace is not intrusive or forceful. The snow falling this morning has no sound to it.  Just like grace, snow falls quiet and serene almost like you wouldn’t know it was there unless you saw it and felt it.  Jesus will never force you to believe that His grace covers you or that His death and resurrection is enough to secure your standing with Him. 

I see grace everywhere.  It’s God’s reminder to me that He is ever present, He is for me, and He is cheering me on in whatever season I am in.  I see grace in the laughter of children, cardinal’s red with the blood of Jesus, music that sings in my heart every day, my changed life and heart, leaves that magically turn from green to fiery red and blazing yellow, a marriage that has not just survived but is thriving, forgiveness in action, sweet heart connection with people, the metamorphosis I see in lives changed by Jesus, the process of a baby growing in a momma, restoration in relationship, and hearts singing their guts out in worship.  I also see grace embodied in the simple, often overlooked things like a crock pot full of hot soup, little things that make the heart smile, my big comfy gray couch, candles flickering, Smart Wool socks warm, and the hum of a quiet and warm house. 

Grace is flowing down.  It’s flowing down on you.  Just as the snowflakes are too many to count and each flake has its own unique shape and size, Jesus’ grace for you is unique, too many to count, and all encompassing.  There is no “poop” on you that is not covered.  To Jesus, you are unrecognizable as who you were.  In His grace, you stand spotless, blameless, shameless, and pure like the snow that is falling outside.

So head outside, put your face to the sky and let His grace fall down on you!

Daggers Part 2

Daggers

I live in the South, and as a teacher at heart, my heart skips a beat when we have a chance of snow in the winter.  Any chance makes me want to turn my pajamas inside out and do a snow dance before bed.  Sunday night was the best chance we've had all winter for a good snow.  Heck, they even named the storm so I'm thinking "YES, it's gonna happen this time!"  With each passing hour, the forecast changed and as I peeked with anticipation Monday morning for the beauty of the flake, I woke to freezing rain and sleet. Ughhhh!  

Eager to see the beauty of the day anyway (#1000gifts), I started looking and asking God what He wanted to show me through this day.  Staring out my kitchen window, looking for my Beloved Cardinal, my eyes captured this sight as the rain and sleet hitting the roof of my shed.  Icicles forming longer as I watched the water drip to the tip and then freeze immediately.  Each time I went back to look, I noticed the icicles getting longer and seemingly sharper.

As the day wore on, the visual I saw in the icicles greatly resembled a dagger or a sword, which sent my mind thinking about the most dangerous thought patterns that I can have that would actually take the form of a sword.

Anger>>resentment>>bitterness>>unforgiveness

The drip and freeze thing that the freezing rain was doing to make the icicles reminded me of how subtle our feelings, left undealt with or hidden, can change and fester and grow until they are unmanageable.

"Bitterness is a frozen form of hidden anger and resentment. Bitterness grows out of our refusal, to let go when someone or something is taken from us. Bitterness is being constantly hurt by a memory and is holding onto a hurt until it has a hold on you."

 "When you are offended or disappointed by others and allow the hurt to germinate in your heart, bitterness and resentment will take root. Bitterness is characterized by an unforgiving spirit and generally negative, critical attitudes. Bitterness and resentment are self-defeating. Perhaps it grows from the literal loss of a loved one or of a job, or income, or relationship. Sometimes it might be more subtle and grow from the loss of a reputation, or social position in a group, or control. Whatever the cause, bitterness grows out of unreleased loss."

I have seen in my own life the damage that has been caused in my heart and well being by letting anger continue to add layers of resentment which led to bitterness which left me with a poised dagger of unforgiveness.  The crazy thing that I found more than anything is the damage it did to my own heart.

Unforgiveness is the poison I drink and wish that the other will die.  It's the prison I'm in that I wish the other would be locked in with the key thrown away.  It's the slow growing dagger like the icicle that has layer upon layer that can eventually be used as a weapon.  

Ephesians 4:31-32New Living Translation (NLT)

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

I know that left to my own nature, I don't even have it in me to forgive, but the truth I have to proclaim and live by is the fact the Spirit of God lives in me and gives me all I need to not allow anger grow into a weapon that would be used to destroy others.

John 14:26The Message (MSG)

25-27 “I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace.

Thank you, my Savior, for being the perfect example of grace and forgiveness to me... 

Plentiful Harvest of New Life

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels--a plentiful harvest of new lives." (John 12:23-24)

Red letters… yes, Jesus said this.  He was talking about Himself, and I love His humanity in it because later in the passage He says that He is deeply troubled and even in Luke 22:42 He asks the Father "if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done."

Tennessee harvests corn.  I'm not sure what for, maybe for feed for livestock, fun for corn maizes, but I don't think we have a lot of the sweet corn that I love to eat!  Country road running is fun for me because God always shows up!  So as I was running earlier last week, God stopped me mid-stride to call me over to take a picture of this field.

Broken kernels of corn laying on the soil beneath, God reminded me gently of the times in my life where things had to be cut off, broken, fallen to produce a Kingdom harvest.  Do any of us love to be broken? Heck no!  But I have found that the greatest places of brokenness in my life have served God to produce more than I could ever imagine. 

Who could have ever thought that the brokenness and death that an abortion causes could bring so much good?  My heart is so full when I see instagrams of a precious life where God gave me the opportunity to share with a scared teen contemplating abortion.  Although my Tanner was a seed that fell, a plentiful harvest of new life can be had because I allowed God to use my brokenness for His Kingdom's Harvest.

Maybe you're going through a hard season right now.  Is divorce knocking on your door?  Has infidelity been a part of your story?  Does disease cripple your heart and mind?  Are you in chronic pain?  Maybe a loved one has seen death way to early?  Do you bear the scars of abuse or the regret of addiction? Has your heart been broken by someone who was supposed to love you?  Can I reassure you of one thing?  God is not the author of any evil, whether it's evil that was brought upon you, or evil you chose.  Ever since the Garden where Adam and Eve were given a choice, we have been choosing our own way ever since.

A truth that God has sealed to my heart because I have lived it, is that He can use any amount of pain, brokenness, or death to bring about LIFE.  He will bring a harvest out of your pain if you will allow Him to give you the strength to share your story.  God promises that He will bring good out of all things.  Maybe you can't see that good right now.  That's okay.  Ask God to begin to show you the beauty even in the ugly that life gives.  It may take awhile, but our God is patient, always desiring the fullest life for all He created.

So my encouragement to you is this:  Allow God to begin to plant Kingdom seeds for harvest within the crazy story of your life.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing your story so that someone might have "life" because of the "me too" that they shared with you.  Sometimes the most encouraging part of our sharing our stories is that we know that we're not alone.