Plentiful Harvest of New Life

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels--a plentiful harvest of new lives." (John 12:23-24)

Red letters… yes, Jesus said this.  He was talking about Himself, and I love His humanity in it because later in the passage He says that He is deeply troubled and even in Luke 22:42 He asks the Father "if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done."

Tennessee harvests corn.  I'm not sure what for, maybe for feed for livestock, fun for corn maizes, but I don't think we have a lot of the sweet corn that I love to eat!  Country road running is fun for me because God always shows up!  So as I was running earlier last week, God stopped me mid-stride to call me over to take a picture of this field.

Broken kernels of corn laying on the soil beneath, God reminded me gently of the times in my life where things had to be cut off, broken, fallen to produce a Kingdom harvest.  Do any of us love to be broken? Heck no!  But I have found that the greatest places of brokenness in my life have served God to produce more than I could ever imagine. 

Who could have ever thought that the brokenness and death that an abortion causes could bring so much good?  My heart is so full when I see instagrams of a precious life where God gave me the opportunity to share with a scared teen contemplating abortion.  Although my Tanner was a seed that fell, a plentiful harvest of new life can be had because I allowed God to use my brokenness for His Kingdom's Harvest.

Maybe you're going through a hard season right now.  Is divorce knocking on your door?  Has infidelity been a part of your story?  Does disease cripple your heart and mind?  Are you in chronic pain?  Maybe a loved one has seen death way to early?  Do you bear the scars of abuse or the regret of addiction? Has your heart been broken by someone who was supposed to love you?  Can I reassure you of one thing?  God is not the author of any evil, whether it's evil that was brought upon you, or evil you chose.  Ever since the Garden where Adam and Eve were given a choice, we have been choosing our own way ever since.

A truth that God has sealed to my heart because I have lived it, is that He can use any amount of pain, brokenness, or death to bring about LIFE.  He will bring a harvest out of your pain if you will allow Him to give you the strength to share your story.  God promises that He will bring good out of all things.  Maybe you can't see that good right now.  That's okay.  Ask God to begin to show you the beauty even in the ugly that life gives.  It may take awhile, but our God is patient, always desiring the fullest life for all He created.

So my encouragement to you is this:  Allow God to begin to plant Kingdom seeds for harvest within the crazy story of your life.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing your story so that someone might have "life" because of the "me too" that they shared with you.  Sometimes the most encouraging part of our sharing our stories is that we know that we're not alone.  

Digging out

 The northeast has been snow hammered within the past few days.  My friend Lisa lives in Maine and she's been giving this snow starved Tennessee girl a play by play of the the snow's kiss on her area.  

Looking at her snow drift as she opened her back door, I thought of the gazillions of snowflakes that it took to make that mound.

 And isn't' that how it is with our lives?  The snowflakes start falling, and they're manageable and honestly quite beautiful, but before you realize, they have piled one upon the other until we're left with a choice to be buried by them or start digging ourselves out.  Those small snowflakes for me began as the thought "They will like me better if I please them."  And then more flakes piled and blew on top of one another and the thoughts grew to "I have to please them."  Year after year of seemingly "good" in my own mind left me with a heavy burden to dig out of…Codependency.  What's so elusive and misleading, is how the seemingly harmless can magnify itself into something that's so heavy that it suffocates you, and you have to ask yourself, "Do I just accept things the way they are, or do I start to dig out?"

I don't know, maybe you're that one who took that first drink to help you "relax" from a hard day at work, and you have found yourself in the heavy of dependence.  Or maybe you might be one who has come through quite a few surgeries that required narcotics in recovery, and you've found yourself buying off of the street.  Maybe you're the one, that as a child, wasn't given many reasons to trust, so you find yourself not trusting anyone.  Maybe you're the one the has had the family worry and fear passed down, so you live your life heavy and unable to live joy in the moment of today. 

I have struggled with many things in my life: Shame, not feeling enough, codependency, rejection, that have been so heavy at times that the thought of digging out of them seemed insurmountable.  God was so gracious to show me that the way I was living and the thoughts I had about myself were never His best for me.  In 2003, he gave me Breaking Free, later He gave me Classic Christianity that completely sealed my heart on who I am in Christ.  This past year, God gave me a shovel to help me heal even deeper when He gave me Finding Spiritual Whitespace and Codependent No More.  

Digging out is such a process.  God has shown me that nothing ever worth fighting for happens overnight.  I am thankful to know that even though life can be heavy, there is always One who will hand me the shovel and come alongside.

The Way May Not Be Clear Yet...

In the Fall and Winter, the trails at the Battlefield are cluttered with leaves that have yet to be naturally composted by the wear of feet making the trek in and out.  If I'm not careful, or get caught up in the singing of my favorite new worship song, it's easy to get confused as to where the path to the trail lies.  If I look closely, I see the leaves trampled and worn to show me the way.

Our stories are much the same way.  When I began to recover from the shame of having an abortion that I had in my 20's,  I felt like I had to be totally healed before I could begin to share my story.  I had to be able to tell it without crying, without beating myself up, and of course I had to do it all with strength and courage to show that I was well!

An amazing truth that God continues to reveal to me is that He can use my story to help others no matter if I'm just beginning my recovery, or if I'm healed and on the other side of it.  

It's like the beginning wear of the leaves on the path.  The trampled parts let you know that someone has gone before you.  In our stories, often the greatest encouragers are those who may just be a few steps ahead, so that the task of being completely healed is not so overwhelming.  

So I encourage you to be that one that looks behind you and brings others alongside you that can say "me too".  The way to complete and total healing may not be clear yet, but it's so cool to know that the trampled leaves ahead means you're not alone.

Everything That Falls Has Purpose

I love Fall.  From the moment things begin to transform, my heart leaps for joy in anticipation of the glory display my Creator is about to perform right in front of my eyes.  A favorite place to frequent in Fall is Stones River Battlefield.  Everywhere I look, there is a story.  As I was at the end of my run this morning, this small acorn caught my eye.  I began to think of what this acorn means for the squirrel that may gather it, or the soil that may start a sapling in the Spring.  But what God showed me this morning is that it had to fall for the squirrel or for new life.  

I have had some very close people to me experience a fall of sorts over the past few weeks, and when I was looking at the acorn, I was thinking of them, only to realize that the lesson of the fallen acorn was really for me today.

I got the most exciting news today.  A young pregnant girl that I had spoken to back in the Spring and encouraged (pretty much begged) not to have an abortion, delivered her baby girl today.  I was elated!  My heart leapt out of my chest this morning as I thanked God that a baby was saved.  The reality of my own abortion weighs so heavily at times when I see the magnitude of lives being lost because of fear.  The elation that I felt this morning was soon clouded by the old tapes that have played in my head for over 25 years.  "Why couldn't you have been strong and saved your baby?"  "You are a loser."  "You are worthless."  As soon as I got home, I quickly told my husband Mike my struggle, and he prayed that the joy of a life saved would not be overshadowed by lies that the enemy would use to steal the joy of the day.

I know the Truth…and He has set me free from the condemnation that I have spoken over myself for years.  I am loved…I am forgiven…I have no condemnation awaiting me…I am worthy…I am white as snow because of the blood of the Lamb…I am strong…I am victorious because of Christ.

25 years ago I fell into the trap of the enemy who told me I had no way out, that I was too young, and that I had my whole life ahead of me to have babies.  I fell into 15 years of shame and secrecy that said I would only be accepted if no one knew the truth of my sin.  But because I fell, a baby got life today.  Because I fell, I have had the amazing opportunity to lead other women to freedom in Christ who have suffered from the secrecy and shame of having an abortion.  Because I fell, I have had, and continue to have open, honest conversations with countless young people about what it means to live in purity, and speak love and grace to them when they haven't.  And because I fell, I know the love of Christ and grace that amazes me every day that I wouldn't trade for anything.  Because I am loved much, I know that God gives me the capacity to love even more.

So I don't know where you've fallen from, and I know from experience that the enemy of your soul wants to keep you down, but rest assured…if you have fallen, there is a purpose, a purpose that you may not see now, but will be used for good.  God's word promises that.  Look beyond the broken, the seemingly wasted, the fallen, to see the God that is the Restorer of LIFE.

I'll Start Monday

John 4 was the text that we studied last night at Recharge @ The Refuge.  As I was rereading the passage this morning, verses 34-38 leapt off the page.

 "Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest?  I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields!  They are ripe for harvest.  Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together.  Thus the saying, 'One sows and another reaps is true.  I sent you to reap what you have not worked for.  Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor." 

The words that stuck with me most were "Four months more and then the harvest?"  How many times have I said that in my own heart?  "I'll share Jesus with that loved one the 'next time' I get the opportunity."  "I need to call ________, but I can't now."  "_________is not ready to hear about what God is doing in my life, maybe next time."  "I know You're urging me to share You, Jesus, but I'm just not ready yet.  Maybe when I know the Bible better, take a class, and pray more eloquently, maybe then, maybe then.

Am I secretly waiting for the "Farmer"or someone more qualified, better at it, more skilled, more versed to come and harvest the field?  At times I think so, but I know that is just the evil one trying to keep the "workers few".  What I need is a daily reminder that the Spirit of the Living God lives IN ME, and it's HIM that is the true harvester.  All He asks of me is to be totally available to Him and His living His Life through me.  He is the Farmer.  He has all the tools, the skills, the Combine to harvest the plentiful fields, but because Jesus isn't here in the flesh anymore, He chooses to use earthly vessels (you and me) to harvest the plentiful fields.

So let's take "I'll start Monday" out of our vocabulary.  Let's seize the opportunities that God puts in front of us every day to be His Hands, His Feet, and His Voice.  He doesn't call us to be scholars.  If He did, He wouldn't have chosen 12 unschooled, ordinary men to be His disciples.  He uses ordinary people like you and me every day.  He doesn't need perfection, He just needs our availability.

Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  (Matthew 9:37)

Pruned For More Beauty

Summer is a time of renewing for me.  School is out, the pool opens, and the pace slows for me somewhat.  I have made an every year commitment to God and myself to put to paper the list of things that I've committed myself to over the past year.  After I've made the list, I begin to pray over the course of the summer if God still wants me to commit myself to whatever I've written.  It is hard for me, because the evil one will whisper in my ear that I'm a "loser" if if "quit", that "surely you can do it all", "everyone is counting on you".  God has grown me so much over the years to know His sweet voice that says, "Here is where I best can use you" and "this has run it's course, and it's time to move on and let someone else."

I was reminded of my "list" that I compile every year as I was pruning my rose bushes today.  Sidenote: I usually NEVER prune them, but with my man and baby girl out of town, I've had a bit of extra time on my hands.  Here's what I saw...

Slowly fading blooms...others looked like this...

Still others this...

God gently reminded me that the fading blooms, and even the ones that had no bloom at all represent those things on my list that God is no longer calling me to.  What I've found with pruning is that the more you prune, the healthier the flower is, so the more pruning I allow God to do in my heart and life, the more healthy I will be in Him!  But what do I do at times?  I try to get life out of a flower that has no bloom left in it.  It's seen it's beauty, and now it's time to prune it back and allow God to birth new blooms...

So what about you?  What on your list of things that you "do for God" need to be prayed over, and maybe cut back because they are no longer blooming, so that He can bloom anew in you??

Waiting To Be Fed

My man and my middle child are in Haiti.  My oldest child has flown the coop, and my 12 year old flits from place to place.  God is teaching me alot as my house is quiet.  With bermuda higher than my man would ever let it grow, I ventured out yesterday to love on him by cutting his grass before he returns.  He loves to mow grass and calls it something that "massages his skull" and gives him alone time with Jesus.  All I can say is that I needed a massage and an IV with fluids after I tackled the yard.  But just as I was emptying out grass clippings on the street, God gave me the most beautiful site...

A dad and mom cardinal feeding their newly "nestless" babes in the grass.  Both mom and dad were doing the feeding (which is a whole different post in itself with its own lessons), but what I found so interesting and cool was that the babies sat and waited for both parents to go and gather the food, and then come back and feed them.


Taste and see that the Lord is good;^(A)
    blessed is the one who takes refuge^(B) in him. (Psalm 34:8)


All I could do is sit and weep as I watched the total dependency of the babies on their parents.  They didn't wander off, didn't think "this is taking too long, I'll make this happen myself".  They patiently waited for their Provider to give them all they needed.  


One of the reasons this has meant so much to me is that God has shown me over the past week how hard it is for me to "sit and wait" for HIM to satisfy and fill me.

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
    and you will delight in the richest of fare.  (Isaiah 55:2)

The thing I do so often is that I seek Godly counsel from others as if it were coming from the Lord.  Why?  Because I can see them, touch them, feel them.  I do this especially with my man.  God has shown me this week because I haven't had my man with me, that HE is the Provider. He is the answer.  He has the right timing.  His Word has the answer.  In my loud life, I sometimes need reminders to be still enough to hear.  Take time to see what He has for me, and to remind me so lovingly that He's got this, He's got me, and He's totally crazy about me.

Lord, I thank you for your forgiveness when I knowingly or unknowingly put someone or something else on Your throne.  You are the King, and you are not taking applications for Your Position! You know best and desire only the very best for my life.  Thank you that your tapestry of my life is not finished and you are continuing to make a masterpiece of me.  I am CRAZY about You too!  Amen